Patches
by Lialane Graest
Summary: Stein is acutely aware of the fact that Marie is bored living alone in the lab with him, so he finds a solution to her boredom. He would never have guessed that the solution would also affect him. Crack!fic SteinxMarie


He knew that she grew lonely living with him in the lab. It was an inescapable fact. The lonelier she got, the more time she spent sitting in his research lab, watching his experiments. That equated to more times that she fell asleep while he typed, and more times that he carried her to her room. It didn't take him long to come to the conclusion that one of two things were necessary to happen.

One, that he spend more time with her. That would keep her from becoming so bored, though it would backlog his experiments. He was well aware that due to his cigarette consumption his lifespan was more than likely considerably shorter than it could have been, and he did not want to have to give up any of his time because of that.

Two, that he find something that would capture her interest. After many long hours spent searching the web he believed that he had found the solution. He made a few calls, checked more than few websites, and then spent nearly 500 dollars. He didn't care about the money; he just hoped that this experiment would be a success.

And so it was that Marie entered the lab one day to find Stein sitting with his back to her in front of his computer, but she didn't hear the telltale sound of typing.

"Franken-"

"Come here, Marie."

She stopped walking for a second, her hand outstretched towards him, wondering what he could want. She took a few steps forward and moved over to his side. Her eye went wide as she looked at the squirming bundle that was sitting in his lap and she reached out slowly to run a single finger against it.

"You like it?" he asked quietly.

It was as if his voice snapped her out of her trance and she took a step back before a look of anger crossed her face. "You showed me that precious little puppy and you probably plan on dissecting it!"

He just laughed. "No, I plan on giving it to you." Her hands fell to her sides and she just stared at him. "I am serious, Marie. I spent hours researching what was considered cute, then longer than that to find it."

"But… but… why?" she asked as she slid to her knees, her hands wrapping around the puppy and picking it up and out of Stein's lap. It wagged its tail and licked her nose and Marie laughed.

"Because of that." She just looked at him. "It made you laugh. You have to be lonely here, Marie."

"I'm with you-"

"And now you have something to keep you entertained."

She knew that Stein didn't get it because he truly cared whether she was bored or not, and she figured it was just another experiment of his. But she didn't care. The puppy that was now biting her sleeve and trying to tug her away with it was too cute to get mad at Stein over whatever his real reason was for getting it. With a laugh she scooped it up and walked out of the lab with it.

Stein sighed in relief, Marie's wavelength happy and stable and easily ignored, as he dove back into his research.

* * *

He had fallen asleep at his desk, and he learned quickly that that was something that he shouldn't do ever again as long as "Patches" remained in the lab. The puppy had wormed her way in through the cracked door and he awoke to her tugging on his lab coat.

Marie's wavelength was frantic and Stein sighed as he buried his head in his arms. A moment later his left hand dropped down to tug his lab coat away from the puppy. Or rather, he tried.

The puppy growled and tugged harder. Stein looked down at the floor and the little puppy that was happily tugging on his lab coat, its tail wagging and the puppy itself growling as it tried to brace on the slick linoleum floor. He felt a smirk tug at his lips as he pulled lightly on the fabric and the puppy growled louder, skidding towards him.

Marie came into the lab a few moments later, and Stein could feel the fear that was radiating off of her. She stopped a few feet away and it was as if a dam had broken and she started laughing. Patches heard her and immediately let go of Stein's lab coat, nearly tripping over her paws as she rushed to jump on Marie's legs. The death scythe laughed and scooped the puppy up, letting her lick all over her face.

"That's unsanitary, Marie."

She just laughed and walked out of the room, the puppy cradled in her arms.

It wasn't until later, when Stein stood up and moved to collect some specimens, that he discovered the present that Patches had left in the room for him. He looked down in disgust at the mess, "Unsanitary," on his lips.

* * *

"She needs a diaper."

"Puppies don't wear diapers, Franken," Marie said as she rubbed her nose against Patches' wet one.

"She's a baby of her species, and babies wear diapers. She left a mess in my research lab because she wasn't wearing one."

Marie looked up at him and laughed. "She has to be potty trained to go outside and use the restroom, Franken. Have you never had a pet?"

"No."

Her smile fell from her face. "That's terrible!" Stein found Patches held out to him a moment later. "You just hold her and I'll go clean it up." He didn't reach to accept the waggling puppy.

"I already have."

"Then hold Patches anyway. It'll do you some good to make certain that she gets used to you."

"She's your dog."

Marie laughed, but pushed the puppy into his arms anyway. "I'll go cook breakfast while you get acquainted. And she's our dog, Franken, not just mine."

Stein just sighed, the puppy squirming in his arms, and wondered how this was going to so wrong.

* * *

The next couple weeks found him cleaning more messes than he would care to admit. Fortunately, Patches took to the potty training quickly, though she had a harder time learning what she was allowed to chew on.

More than one of Stein's lab coats had to have new stitching along the edges, small holes from puppy teeth across them. It would have driven Stein crazy if not for the humor that occurred when Spirit chose to visit.

Patches hated him.

The puppy growled and wouldn't let the man come near Marie or Stein. Spirit dropped to a crouch in front of her and reached his hand out to pet her, and Patches bit him.

Stein put four stitches in Spirit's hand. It was then that he decided that he did in fact like the little puppy. They had something in common. He could have sworn the puppy was grinning after Marie pried her teeth out of Spirit's hand.

* * *

"Spirit, you know it had to be because you'd been around Blair. I'm sure it's just that Patches doesn't like cats."

Stein could hear Marie talking over the phone and he just smirked, Patches in his lap and sleeping contentedly. He absent-mindedly stroked the puppy's fur, earning himself a deep groan as she settled on his lap and he laughed, nearly waking her. When she would bark her howl, her "voice" was high pitched, but when she was content and sleeping it was an astonishing change.

"_You are a good girl, Patches," _he said quietly. _"You can bite that mean Spirit anytime, you hear me? Don't listen to what Marie says."_

Even in her sleep the pup's tail wagged and Stein chuckled.

Marie stood in the doorway watching, a smile on her face.

* * *

"We need to take her on a walk, Franken."

Stein looked up from his computer screen, Patches sitting almost completely unnoticed in his lap. "She's asleep."

"She hasn't been outside all day, and I'm going to be going to bed, so unless you want to take her out by yourself later…" Marie's voice trailed off and Stein got the distinct feeling that her casual statement was actually a threat.

He realized though that he didn't really want to disturb the small bundle that was keeping his lap warm. He looked down at the puppy and then back up to Marie. He kept his face carefully neutral.

"I'll just take her out when I go out for a smoke."

He didn't get to see the grin on Marie's face as she turned away from him and headed to bed, but he could hear the quiet chuckle as she did so. It was only then that he realized that Patches had spent more time with him than with Marie that day.

He had gotten next to nothing done, and he replayed the events of the day in his mind. He had woke up late, Patches clawing at the closed door to his lab. He had opened it and the pup had rushed in, Marie laughing at her mad dash to jump against his legs. Marie had made him eat, Patches begging for (and receiving a third of) his food. The dog had followed him back into the research lab, and then jumped into his lap.

That had been nearly 8 hours ago, and he had spent more time than he would ever admit petting the animal as he read studies.

Not exactly the dissection that he had planned for the day. He realized it though, as he sat thinking about it, that he was calm and centered, that Marie was happy, and he suspected that it had something to do with the small animal in his lap.

He smirked. Perhaps a pet did have its uses. He would have to acquire one to experiment on; he doubted that Marie would allow him to use Patches.

* * *

**A/N: So this was inspired by my own dog, Izzy. I'd had a crap day and she kept getting in my lap and laying her head against my chest. She'd lick my chin and anywhere she could reach, and she didn't leave me alone the whole night. (No she is not the puppy pictured, Izzy's full grown). It really helped my mood, though :)**

**I don't own Soul Eater.**


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